Non Scale Victories

Sorry for the delayed update, but I got some major downtime last week and took it! When I could sit on the couch and do nothing I did just that, and enjoyed every second of it. Now that I'm done being lazy it's time for an update.

At my Weight Watchers weigh-in last week the scale went up .8. Now, I must say it was expected. The biggest reason being it was the time of the month most women's scales go up. Nothing I can do about that but go with it. I will admit that even though I was expecting the numbers to be up it was still disappointing to see. I was bummed. Went into an old way of thinking that I call panic mode. Should I change up, should I stop eating carbs, did I go off my paleo-type eating, should I not eat my weeklies, maybe Weight Watchers doesn't work....

Slow and steady wins the race. Weight Watchers is teaching me how to eat for life for success. 

Meeting time..and I'm so happy I stayed. I listened to the many victories of the week, instead of feeling bad because I didn't have a scale victory it was a reminder to me to trust the program. Stick with it. No need for panic mode. All these people telling their victory of the week stories, soon I will be one of them. Plus when I shared how bummed I felt, I received so much support and some new ideas from the group. One person suggested keeping nail polish by my couch in case I get the night time munchies. If my nails are wet, I can't eat. As the meeting went on my leader started talking about non-scale victories and it really got me thinking of my own personal victories of the week not related to the scale, but still victories. 

The scale can only tell you numbers

The biggest for me being for the first time in months and months I didn't binge, not even one night. I've said it before and admit it fully, I am an emotional eater. Last week I didn't eat my emotions. If I was going through something I wrote about it in my journal, went to bed when I was tired, calmed myself down with walking around my condo, admitted to how I was feeling and was honest with myself. Once I realized that success I cheered myself on repeating to myself I didn't binge!! Huge success in my book and just because the scale didn't show me numbers I wanted to see I still consider my last week a huge success and I'm so proud of myself! 

Saw this on huffingtonpost.com and it's the truth. I will stick with the original problem and deal with it!

Never forget your non scale victories!!!  I'm definitely hoping for some scale victories soon, but for now I will take my non scale victories and be happy with them. Please feel free to share your stories with me. I've recently started a Facebook page called Healthy Living with Cindy. Come join me and let's support each other. 

21 Day Fix...Round 1 Complete

21 days ago I started this new program. I said I can do this and I will do this. I remember the first workout I did, I thought why am I torturing myself again. Maybe being unhealthy isn't so bad. I'm not sure I can do this, but I pushed on. I was so sore the next day and yet I felt proud.

Me, after my first 21 Day Fix Cardio Workout
Someone please peel me off the floor

So 21 days later and here is my update...

I could show you my before and after measurements and weight, but I don't need to because the truth is nothing much changed...well...the things that changed can not be shown in numbers. Now before you go and say the program wasn't a success, let me be honest and say I don't blame the 21 Day Fix program at all. The program definitely did not tell me to binge eat on peanut butter at least once a week. The program definitely did not tell me to eat carrots like my life depended on it (yes, even carrots have limits to what should be consumed). I did all of that on my own. While I eat healthy foods, I tend to binge on those foods, making them not so healthy.

This is the most delicious peanut butter ever!!
But, until I get my peanut butter binge under control, not allowed in my home. 

Now for the positives.... while the numbers are the same, my strength has greatly improved!!  I can do push-ups, yes plural, more than one during a set. I have never ever been able to do a push-up. Now I can. I can do lunges and squats...I can up my weights for some exercises. I can do a few more crunches than I was able to when I first started. This gives me hope, so much hope.

Abby helping me workout
You've heard of downward dog...this is downward cat

LOOK!  Muscle!! They were not there 21 days ago.
I can't wait to see results after round 2!

The numbers may not have changed,
but I'm starting to feel better in my own skin

Besides the physical aspect, there is also the mental aspect. I am proud of myself for getting up at 5 am every morning to make sure I got my workout in. Even when the night before may have been a peanut butter binge night, I still got up and worked out. I didn't once say, I give up. I've also realized, even more, that the stress of my life is starting to take a toll on me. Since January it has been non-stop. My job is crazy right now. My cat needed dental surgery (scary as a kitty mom and expensive). I have bills that need to be paid. And I am still healing from all of last year. I realized I am a HUGE emotional eater, especially at night when I am sooo tired; I've noticed I tend to eat instead of think. I am hoping now that I realize consciously how bad it has gotten I can help myself a little better to prevent it.

Proud of myself for not giving up, even after binge nights.
Proud of the sweat on my face!

Big relief having her surgery over.
She had to have 4 teeth pulled, poor fluffy baby

I know life can get busy and out of control, but I also know right now I need to find my balance and happy place. So my plan is to make sure I don't over jam pack my weeks, especially after work. Some plans may just have to wait until another week. I need to spend more time relaxing, having fun, and playing with my cats. I am going to look for better ways to handle my nighttime eating, I picked up some new tea to try and that might help keep my mouth busy and my taste buds happy.

I love yogi teas!
They have such a good variety I want to try them all

As for 21 Day Fix...bring on round 2! I am so excited to start another round. I feel this time I am even more prepared mentally and psychically. Originally, I posted that I was going to follow their eating plan, but have ultimately decided to hold off and go back to tracking calories with MyFitnessPal. That is a system I know very well and I think it will allow me to track, be aware, but not overly worried about how many fruits I eat in a day. Some days I don' even want fruit, on the 21 Day Fix plan they have built-in allotments. If after Round 2 I don't see results, guess what I am going back for Round 3 and will try the eating plan their way.

Get ready myfitnesspal...I am back!

I've come to realize this isn't about perfection, this isn't about failure, this is about finding what works for the long term. This is about real life. This is about helping myself. This is about finding inner strength and never giving up on myself.

I need to find a good balance in life not just about work and health but that also includes.....

Relaxing with my kitties (sweet Abby face)

Having more fun!
Shark selfie with Jay!!

Stopping each day to take a minute, breathe, say thank you and
appreciate the beauty in the day

Not giving up is already a huge success in my book!!

Out of Balance

The last few weeks have been non-stop. It hasn't been bad things just non-stop. Sometimes I wasn't sure if I was coming or going. Work took top priority, second place went to working out and weight loss, everything else came after that. 

This is how I feel my calendar looks

I had made plans for every night after work last week, I thought I got this...nope. By mid to end of last week I noticed my patience was really thin. Things that normally wouldn't bother me, really did! I was sleeping, but going to bed way too late and waking up already cranky and not even wanting to workout, which I have really been enjoying. I was having really bad food cravings at night and wanting to mindless eat. I was struggling to focus because my mind was already on the next thing. 

There is a light at the end of the tunnel... 

My weekly plans also included to get pedicures with my friend/co-worker Marissa. The pedicures hit the spot!! Marissa and I never get time to just hang out and relax. We both work really hard and decided to start treating ourselves by having an after workday date once a month. While we were sitting there completely getting pampered I realized how lacking I have been in taking care of myself. Sure I eat healthy and workout but what about relaxing, what about all the stress...it has to go somewhere. We walked out of the pedicure place feeling fantastic! That will be on April calendar as well! 

I am making time to pamper myself!

 

Also set for Friday was plans with my friend Jay. During the week Jay said we should try something new after dinner and go to this place called the Amazing Escape Room. He said it's a neat mystery/puzzle where you get locked in rooms and have to find clues throughout the room to find keys and escape. Heck yeah count me in! It was a late night, but I have to tell you I had more fun that night than I had in ages!!! While we were at dinner, some bag pipers came in the restaurant for a little day after St. Patty Day music, we got to sit and talk, and then walked to the Escape Room. We got hooked up to work with this larger group of people and they turned out to be so fun to work with. We all hit it off. And yes we did escape in time!!  They even told us we had the best time escaping from all the teams that night. Walking back to the car it hit me, I had fun. I laughed. I relaxed. I wasn't worried about anything. I wasn't 2 steps ahead of myself. I just had FUN!  

Jay and I after the escape!
Such a fun time 

So now I realize I need to find a better balance between work, health, relaxing, and fun. I took this weekend and relaxed. I slept late since I was able to. I played in the kitchen. I am now sharing my story with all of you and soon I will be watching The Walking Dead. Tomorrow is a new day and week, I plan on keeping time open to relax and have fun!  I don't want to get out of balance again, being cranky and tired is absolutely no fun at all! 

Color Your Mind to Relax

When I was really sick I needed something to occupy my time and most importantly my mind so I wouldn't dwell on the pain in my mouth. I was out picking up a prescription and saw a bunch of color books, so I decided to pick up a Mickey coloring (not many other options) book and some crayons. I remember when I was a kid and didn't feel well I would color. So why not give it a shot as an adult. It actually worked. My mind wasn't totally focused on the pain and I was able to somewhat relax and let my body start healing.

Thank you Mickey and Minnie for helping me relax

Soon after I saw an article on the news about adult color books being the latest rage. It was like they heard me talking to my mom saying I wish they made books for grownups. On a hunch last weekend I decided to stop in at a craft store called A.C. Moore to see if they had them. I was in luck, they did. They didn't have the super fancy ones I saw online or on the news, but they still had some fun ones and they were only $5.99 so I figured let's see if I like it before going for the big books. I treated myself to a pack of 72 pencils as well.

My new coloring books and pencils.
Chelsea really loves the pencils

I'm so glad I picked up the books and pencils last weekend, because this week, while I try to remain positive and upbeat, was a struggle. I was feeling like a lump and bummed out about everything. I was worrying about the future. I was worrying about my business trip next week. And the worry seemed to go on and on...then I remembered about my new coloring books. I started coloring and let me tell you, I loved it. My mind quieted enough that I could calm myself and relax. I was able to come up with new fun ideas to cook when I am much better. I slept better than I had in days. I was able to work through or at least quiet some of the emotions and thoughts running through my mind. It's amazing what a little creativity and mindless fun can do for the mind and soul.

My current coloring project
Makes me smile

I highly recommend trying these coloring books if you are looking to relax and have some fun too!

I Can If I Want

My last post "My Relationship with Food" was about my freedom from food. My plan is to stop eliminating almost all food groups and to start incorporating foods back into my eating habits that I haven't eaten in YEARS to see how my body reacts.

No more diets, just me eating healthy food choices 
and enjoying occasional treats without guilt
http://freedombeautyhappiness.com/222/

Since it has only been a few days since my mind shift and eating habits happened I know it will take longer to really see how things are progressing for me, but a lot has already changed and I wanted to update everyone.  After that blog post, I gave myself permission to eat. To live my life and enjoy. To not stress over every single food option. To not panic at the thought of eating out. To not freak out if I ate too much. To not listen to everyone else tell me what I should or should not be eating. I went to bed that night with those last thoughts. I woke up Saturday morning and the only word I could use to describe my feeling in that moment is FREEDOM. I was free; from myself, judgment, criticism, fear of failure, stress of eating, and the feeling of lacking.

For a brief moment this is exactly how I felt,
but then I remembered it's not just weight loss, but my health

I also decided that to keep myself still in check a little, I would start tracking again on myfitnesspal. So I made my goal any where between 1200-1300 calories and I added carbs back into my calculations. I had a delicious breakfast and then went off shopping. I felt giddy almost at this fresh start. Later that day at my parent's house I enjoyed some yummy food...nope I didn't everything in site but I did enjoy every piece that went into my mouth and enjoyed having energy to run around outside and play with my nieces, it was finally a nice spring day outside.

I had energy!
First time in a long time I wasn't being Aunt Cin, the lump on the couch taking a nap
I can't wait for more days like this

Sunday was brunch in the morning with a girlfriend of mine, we try to meet once a month to always keep updated and just laugh like school girls. There I was with the menu in my hands, thinking well I gave myself permission, I can eat anything on this menu I want. Drum roll....what did I get......2 eggs overeasy with a side of veggies and some bacon. I didn't feel deprived at all. It was so yummy and I picked it because that is what I wanted and I knew I would feel good after eating it.

Sunday afternoon I ended up spending the day with the man in my life and his 9 year old son. The time flew!! I didn't even realize how long it had been since I last ate anything because we were running around having a blast. Then, it happened, as I was running around with the 9 year old, his dad said I ordered a pizza for dinner should be here in 45 minutes.  Ummm, ut oh. I haven't had pizza in over 2 years. It was a forbidden food. Should I ask him to call back and order me a salad with dressing on the side by only oil and vinegar because who knows what is in the other dressings? Should I just say I am not hungry and starve? Those thoughts quickly went through my mind as if I was programmed to think like that. Then they went away, I felt an instant calm and thought just enjoy it. Have a slice of pizza, not the entire pie, but a slice. Not every day, but tonight is okay. The pizza arrived. I may have actually been drooling at the smell of it. He ordered a Hawaiian pizza (his son's favorite). There I was pizza to lips, I could hear my mom saying, don't do it. I could hear years of my own training saying are you CRAZY women it's PIZZA!  I did it, I took a bite of the pizza and smiled. I looked over to the 9 year old who said isn't it delicious with a huge smile on his face and I couldn't have agreed more. I had 2 slices of pizza and appreciated and loved every bite of it. I was stuffed for the rest of the night and slept better than I have in ages. I know the pizza didn't cause me to sleep better, but I didn't feel bad or stressed or deprived at all. I felt good, I had an amazing wonderful day that included pizza.

Shout out to my blog friend Gwen who writes The Sunny Coconut . She recently wrote a post called S Foods; it was about how everyone's body reacts different to different foods. I highly recommend checking it out, I enjoyed reading it and completely agree!!  I know I will never be able to eat a couple of chips and put the bag away, but I can eat a piece of chocolate and be satisfied. What are your trigger foods that you avoid?

My Relationship with Food

For as long as I can remember I had a love/hate relationship with food. I have been dieting since I was a teenager. As I mentioned in a previous post I have tried almost every diet in some way or another. The outcome...usually some weight loss followed by a binge event and lots of weight gain and then a struggle to lose it again. Sound familiar? I have a feeling I am not alone.

Starving and deprived is usually how I feel
https://slimdownwithsandee.wordpress.com/

Last Saturday was my birthday, I am now 32 years old. At 32 I still struggle with my weight and food relationship like I did at 13. When I had that realization I came to the conclusion it is time to fix my relationship with food. No more diets. No more beating myself up. Time to grow up and learn.

Time to find a better relationship..
the one where I am in tune and honest with myself

My first step was to think back about all my past successes and failures. I found a common denominator. I told myself over and over again "you can't have that". Sometimes it was about steak, cereal, chips, sweet potatoes, low carb, low fat, high fat, you name it. At one point or another a certain food group was kicked out of my life. Until, I had enough and would binge completely out on that food or just any food from restricting intake too much. It was like I was teaching myself a lesson, you can't tell me I can't have something, ha and wow I am so starving!

Usually I eat the salad...
and then wake up in the middle of the night and eat the cakehttps://slimdownwithsandee.wordpress.com/

Well no more, this is me making peace with food. Food is what fuels my body. I am not saying I plan on eating cake and cookies all the time...yuck, or even that I plan on living on steak. I want to find a happy middle group. I want to not feel starved half the time. I want to finally show myself that at 32 I have found peace and balance in myself. I will probably always watch my sugar intake and eat lower than most carbs, but that's is because I know my body can't handle too much. However, I will have a sweet potato when I feel like it, maybe half not whole. I will have an apple, if I get the urge. I will eat my burgers, off the bun, because to me the bun is a waste not because of some diet I am following. I will teach myself portion control so that I can enjoy food without listing them as off-limits. I will not be afraid to go out with friends and eat at restaurants. I will allow myself to taste a cupcake if I want to, taste...not devour!

I love steak, but there is just so much you can eat
before craving other foods

I know I sound like this is easy, but I know it's not. It's been a battle for so long, I know it will take time, patience, and self-love to conquer this. I want this for myself, my future, my health, my peace of mind.

I will keep everyone updated and hope you support my ups and downs of food choices. I won't hide anything or pretend that I didn't eat cheerios a few moments ago (they tasted absolutely amazing). This is me being real with you and myself!!!

DELICIOUS!!
(Mom if you are reading this, stop shaking your head and I love you)

Support and Love Yourself

The other night I met up with one of my best friends. She and I have known each other since we were kids. I'm pretty sure we have tried every diet, gym, and cookie together. She is currently pregnant with baby #2, yes I am very excited to start baby shopping, and she started talking to me about losing weight after she has the baby especially since she didn't lose the weight from baby #1. I told her she had a partner in me. We could meet up after work and go for walks, come up with fun healthy food ideas, and be each other's biggest weight loss cheerleaders. There was no way I was letting her leave that night feeling bad about herself or doubting her ability to take off the weight and I meant every word of it.

I've got your back and will crop your muffin top too
http://hundredsofhilariouspics.com/

I've been thinking a lot since that night...how come I can be there for everyone cheering them on and encouraging them, not letting them feel bad about themselves for one second, but when it comes to myself I constantly beat myself up and put myself down for not having the body I want right now, for not working out longer and harder, for not eating every meal perfect. What type of friend am I to myself? Not a very good one. I'm actually very hard on myself and instead of encouraging I put myself further down. The truth is, sure I would love to have more tone and muscle and be able to wear a bikini, but I'm also not so bad the way I am now, there is a lot I do like about myself. Even more important, I never give up. I constantly pick myself up and try harder. I think that makes me pretty badass actually.

Love yourself!

So, from now on, I'm going to be my friend. When I feel bad about something, I will remind myself I will do better next time. I will remind myself of how far I have come and all of the other really great things about me. I will talk to myself like I would talk to anyone I care about, honest and with kind words. Turns out, I like me, what the scale says doesn't change that.

Your soul hears you, so speak with love

Having a great support system really does make a huge difference in all areas of life, but without your own support and self love can you really ever become the best version of you? I don't think so.

To my online friends reading this, you have a friend in me and I am reminding you to love yourself and never give up on you.  HUGS!

My nieces don't care what size my pants are or what the scale says,
they love me for me and I love them!

Writing from the Soul

I was recently wandering the aisles of TJ Maxx during one of my many holiday shopping trips. I love stores like that, because you never know what you might find. So there I was wandering around, enjoying the holiday music, luckily it was before the holiday rush so it wasn't too crowded, on my present shopping mission. I was sorting through some piles when I came across this notebook. 

Love what the outside says...I create the inside

When I read the cover it made me feel warm and happy inside. I put the book in the "maybe" part of my shopping cart. I told myself, you don't need another notebook. What will you even use it for? When it was time to pay, I couldn't seem to put the notebook back on the self, so it came home with me. 

I love my notebook.  When I was younger I used to write in a diary, not sure why I stopped, but this reminded me of that. One night I wasn't able to sleep, too much rolling around in my head I guess. I took out my notebook and just started writing. I wrote down things I didn't even know I was worrying about or feeling. My thoughts jumped around from work, dating, health, goals, you name it...It felt great to get them all out. I wasn't worried about spelling or proper grammar, I just wrote what I was feeling. Once I was done I put the book away, shut my light, and went right to sleep. 

I have continued to write in that back almost every night. It's like I am writing my fears and worries away. I am releasing them and can move on. Who knew a simple notebook that caught my eye in TJ Maxx would come to make such a big difference for me. 

More Than Weight Loss

A few months back when I starting eating healthier, working out, and reading labels, my plan was to mostly lose weight and feel less sluggish. I had no idea how many twists and turns this journey would lead me on and how much I would discover about myself along the way. 

Look inside yourself for the strength you need to keep moving forward

Now, my hard work means way more to me than just losing some weight. This journey has made me look deep within myself and wonder, what am I made? Who am I? What do I want for myself? While I don't have all the answers yet, I am way more aware of my thoughts and feelings. I realized I am a lot tougher than I even knew, both physically and mentally. 

Excuses are easy...being true to yourself takes commitment to yourself

I look back at how I have treated my body over the years and wonder why I disrespected myself so much. I ate terrible foods, didn't work out, was miserable in my own skin and never took solid action to change that. I would say I can't do it, I will never be a gym person, but I just want to eat what I want. Now I am learning to treat my mind, body and soul with respect. In some ways I feel like I am experiencing things for the first time with clear eyes. I don't want to eat the food that makes me feel sluggish inside, it might taste good, but I love myself enough to fight the urge. Now when I miss a day or two of working out I feel it and I miss it. I even decided to step out of my comfort zone to attend a conference to learn more about my job. In addition, I discovered I love to dress nicer, do my hair every day (unless it's raining), and take pride in who I am. It feels amazing!!

I love playing with different styles these days
I wore this dress to a wedding a few weekends ago

I don't let anyone else disrespect me why would I do that to myself. I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, but glad I finally have!  I'm sure I will have many more ups and downs along the way, but I believe if I stay strong and believe in myself I can achieve anything my heart desires.  

Self love is the biggest lesson I had learn and
never knew I was lacking

Change of Scenery

Weekdays for me are pretty routine. Get up and get ready for work. Go to work. Go to gym. Then usually home with the occasionally meeting or drill at the firehouse on Tuesday. Weekends are my random. Anything is possible on the weekend. But my favorite random is when I get up a little earlier and go for a walk outside. Fresh air, sunshine, room to breathe and enjoy the air, squirrels and birds.

The last few weeks have been crazy, nonstop. Some fun stuff and some not so fun stuff, but either way I was starting to noticed all the noise in my head. What noise am I talking about you ask? The noise of always thinking, thinking, thinking, planning, wondering...okay you get the point. By last night I was torn between going to bed and pulling the covers over my head and sleeping late since it was going to be Saturday or wanting to change up my day. Maybe changing things was just what I needed to clear the noise. But how was I going to do it? I mentioned it to my dad who suggested I try a park path he likes to ride his bike on. My dad rides anywhere between 20-30 miles a day on his bicycle, and has found so many neat areas, paths, and adventures. I loved the idea, but had never been there before; usually I just walk around my town in a big circle. I googled the park and found a map of the are, and thought to myself "I need to go there". My dad knew I was a little nervous since I didn't know the area; he offered to go with me and skip his bike ride for a day. I felt bad he was going to miss his daily ride, but he assured me it was good for him to switch up his routine too and he wanted to go. Outside, I played it cool, inside I was more excited than a kid on their birthday!

Pic from one of my dad's rides. 

We love to see where he goes!

Saturday morning I woke up even before my alarm, my dad came and picked me up and off we went!! We started walking and I can't even explain the sense of freedom that came over me. Everything bothering me, the noise included was gone. It was just my dad and me walking along a beautiful trail, the sun shining, the birds chirping, he and I catching up. He showed me where he likes to go on his bicycle rides and gave me some tips about the area. We also talked about his new iphone app called Cyclemeter. The app tracks his location on rides and even does his calories, speed, distance, all of that neat stuff. In addition, the app sends out an email or text every 30 min to let my mom, my sister, and me know where he is. This way we can't lose him. I checked it out when I got home and the app also syncs with my calorie counting app/program called myfitnesspal. Since I'm looking to explore more I thought this would be a great app to use. I downloaded it and will be using it on my next walk around town or out on a new adventure. 

Park views and 9/11 Memorial in the park

We finished up and I am already thinking about when I get back there again. It's amazing how a change of sceanery and good company can totally help you regroup, refocus, and feel relief from the daily grind and noise. I told my dad how much I enjoyed the walk, but I don't think he really knows how much he helped me today and how just by him offering to go with me made my day! 

Views from along the path. I told the deer to smile, but he didn't listen