21 Day Fix...Round 1 Complete

21 days ago I started this new program. I said I can do this and I will do this. I remember the first workout I did, I thought why am I torturing myself again. Maybe being unhealthy isn't so bad. I'm not sure I can do this, but I pushed on. I was so sore the next day and yet I felt proud.

Me, after my first 21 Day Fix Cardio Workout
Someone please peel me off the floor

So 21 days later and here is my update...

I could show you my before and after measurements and weight, but I don't need to because the truth is nothing much changed...well...the things that changed can not be shown in numbers. Now before you go and say the program wasn't a success, let me be honest and say I don't blame the 21 Day Fix program at all. The program definitely did not tell me to binge eat on peanut butter at least once a week. The program definitely did not tell me to eat carrots like my life depended on it (yes, even carrots have limits to what should be consumed). I did all of that on my own. While I eat healthy foods, I tend to binge on those foods, making them not so healthy.

This is the most delicious peanut butter ever!!
But, until I get my peanut butter binge under control, not allowed in my home. 

Now for the positives.... while the numbers are the same, my strength has greatly improved!!  I can do push-ups, yes plural, more than one during a set. I have never ever been able to do a push-up. Now I can. I can do lunges and squats...I can up my weights for some exercises. I can do a few more crunches than I was able to when I first started. This gives me hope, so much hope.

Abby helping me workout
You've heard of downward dog...this is downward cat

LOOK!  Muscle!! They were not there 21 days ago.
I can't wait to see results after round 2!

The numbers may not have changed,
but I'm starting to feel better in my own skin

Besides the physical aspect, there is also the mental aspect. I am proud of myself for getting up at 5 am every morning to make sure I got my workout in. Even when the night before may have been a peanut butter binge night, I still got up and worked out. I didn't once say, I give up. I've also realized, even more, that the stress of my life is starting to take a toll on me. Since January it has been non-stop. My job is crazy right now. My cat needed dental surgery (scary as a kitty mom and expensive). I have bills that need to be paid. And I am still healing from all of last year. I realized I am a HUGE emotional eater, especially at night when I am sooo tired; I've noticed I tend to eat instead of think. I am hoping now that I realize consciously how bad it has gotten I can help myself a little better to prevent it.

Proud of myself for not giving up, even after binge nights.
Proud of the sweat on my face!

Big relief having her surgery over.
She had to have 4 teeth pulled, poor fluffy baby

I know life can get busy and out of control, but I also know right now I need to find my balance and happy place. So my plan is to make sure I don't over jam pack my weeks, especially after work. Some plans may just have to wait until another week. I need to spend more time relaxing, having fun, and playing with my cats. I am going to look for better ways to handle my nighttime eating, I picked up some new tea to try and that might help keep my mouth busy and my taste buds happy.

I love yogi teas!
They have such a good variety I want to try them all

As for 21 Day Fix...bring on round 2! I am so excited to start another round. I feel this time I am even more prepared mentally and psychically. Originally, I posted that I was going to follow their eating plan, but have ultimately decided to hold off and go back to tracking calories with MyFitnessPal. That is a system I know very well and I think it will allow me to track, be aware, but not overly worried about how many fruits I eat in a day. Some days I don' even want fruit, on the 21 Day Fix plan they have built-in allotments. If after Round 2 I don't see results, guess what I am going back for Round 3 and will try the eating plan their way.

Get ready myfitnesspal...I am back!

I've come to realize this isn't about perfection, this isn't about failure, this is about finding what works for the long term. This is about real life. This is about helping myself. This is about finding inner strength and never giving up on myself.

I need to find a good balance in life not just about work and health but that also includes.....

Relaxing with my kitties (sweet Abby face)

Having more fun!
Shark selfie with Jay!!

Stopping each day to take a minute, breathe, say thank you and
appreciate the beauty in the day

Not giving up is already a huge success in my book!!

My Relationship with Food

For as long as I can remember I had a love/hate relationship with food. I have been dieting since I was a teenager. As I mentioned in a previous post I have tried almost every diet in some way or another. The outcome...usually some weight loss followed by a binge event and lots of weight gain and then a struggle to lose it again. Sound familiar? I have a feeling I am not alone.

Starving and deprived is usually how I feel
https://slimdownwithsandee.wordpress.com/

Last Saturday was my birthday, I am now 32 years old. At 32 I still struggle with my weight and food relationship like I did at 13. When I had that realization I came to the conclusion it is time to fix my relationship with food. No more diets. No more beating myself up. Time to grow up and learn.

Time to find a better relationship..
the one where I am in tune and honest with myself

My first step was to think back about all my past successes and failures. I found a common denominator. I told myself over and over again "you can't have that". Sometimes it was about steak, cereal, chips, sweet potatoes, low carb, low fat, high fat, you name it. At one point or another a certain food group was kicked out of my life. Until, I had enough and would binge completely out on that food or just any food from restricting intake too much. It was like I was teaching myself a lesson, you can't tell me I can't have something, ha and wow I am so starving!

Usually I eat the salad...
and then wake up in the middle of the night and eat the cakehttps://slimdownwithsandee.wordpress.com/

Well no more, this is me making peace with food. Food is what fuels my body. I am not saying I plan on eating cake and cookies all the time...yuck, or even that I plan on living on steak. I want to find a happy middle group. I want to not feel starved half the time. I want to finally show myself that at 32 I have found peace and balance in myself. I will probably always watch my sugar intake and eat lower than most carbs, but that's is because I know my body can't handle too much. However, I will have a sweet potato when I feel like it, maybe half not whole. I will have an apple, if I get the urge. I will eat my burgers, off the bun, because to me the bun is a waste not because of some diet I am following. I will teach myself portion control so that I can enjoy food without listing them as off-limits. I will not be afraid to go out with friends and eat at restaurants. I will allow myself to taste a cupcake if I want to, taste...not devour!

I love steak, but there is just so much you can eat
before craving other foods

I know I sound like this is easy, but I know it's not. It's been a battle for so long, I know it will take time, patience, and self-love to conquer this. I want this for myself, my future, my health, my peace of mind.

I will keep everyone updated and hope you support my ups and downs of food choices. I won't hide anything or pretend that I didn't eat cheerios a few moments ago (they tasted absolutely amazing). This is me being real with you and myself!!!

DELICIOUS!!
(Mom if you are reading this, stop shaking your head and I love you)

To Wine or Not to Wine

No I am not talking about the type of whine you hear from me after an arms workout; I am talking about the wine made from grapes. I bet I have your attention now...

Wine makes me happy inside

When I started cleaning up my diet at the beginning of the year, I only wanted to eat and drink foods that I felt would be healthy and have nutritious benefits for my every day life. Alcohol didn't seem to fit into that category so I cut it out. I had a glass of wine on February 1 at a fire department function and didn't even have a sip for months after that.....until recently. 

Let me explain. Lately I have been thinking about maybe adding in a glass sometimes, I admit after a tough week it is nice to unwind with a good glass and relax your crazy week away. So I looked up the nutritional value and found that a 4 oz glass of Barefoot Moscato (I love Moscato) contains 120 calories and 11g of carbs. Hmm would it be worth it to consume my calories and carbs in the form of a drink that had really no big benefit to me drinking it except I enjoy it??

Hmm... I like the way this guy thinkshttp://www.stelladot.com/

And then last weekend happened...I had a date. I was sort of set up by a friend of a friend and for some reason I was nervous. You would think after so many dates, especially with being on match for a few months I wouldn't even be phased, but that night I was feeling my nervousness.  When we got to the restaurant I decided tonight would be a great night to slowly get back into drinking wine. I ordered my drink, very much aware that I hadn't had anything to drink in a while and I didn't want this to go to my head too quick, so I sipped extra slow and enjoyed. It tasted delicious and I admit it helped me to  relax just a little and enjoy the evening. We had fun that night and yes we have seen each other since. 

Ha ha, yup

I was pleased the next morning when the scale stayed the same, I wasn't feeling yucky at all, and I got right back into my workout routine. So here is my thinking, it's okay to have a little indulgence occasionally, as long as it's not something that will make you sick due to an allergy or sensitivity, and the rest of the time you eat and drink healthy and continue to workout. Moderation and balance is the key. 

I have no idea what the future holds with dating and the new guy, but I do know wine is now back in my life!