I Can If I Want

My last post "My Relationship with Food" was about my freedom from food. My plan is to stop eliminating almost all food groups and to start incorporating foods back into my eating habits that I haven't eaten in YEARS to see how my body reacts.

No more diets, just me eating healthy food choices 
and enjoying occasional treats without guilt
http://freedombeautyhappiness.com/222/

Since it has only been a few days since my mind shift and eating habits happened I know it will take longer to really see how things are progressing for me, but a lot has already changed and I wanted to update everyone.  After that blog post, I gave myself permission to eat. To live my life and enjoy. To not stress over every single food option. To not panic at the thought of eating out. To not freak out if I ate too much. To not listen to everyone else tell me what I should or should not be eating. I went to bed that night with those last thoughts. I woke up Saturday morning and the only word I could use to describe my feeling in that moment is FREEDOM. I was free; from myself, judgment, criticism, fear of failure, stress of eating, and the feeling of lacking.

For a brief moment this is exactly how I felt,
but then I remembered it's not just weight loss, but my health

I also decided that to keep myself still in check a little, I would start tracking again on myfitnesspal. So I made my goal any where between 1200-1300 calories and I added carbs back into my calculations. I had a delicious breakfast and then went off shopping. I felt giddy almost at this fresh start. Later that day at my parent's house I enjoyed some yummy food...nope I didn't everything in site but I did enjoy every piece that went into my mouth and enjoyed having energy to run around outside and play with my nieces, it was finally a nice spring day outside.

I had energy!
First time in a long time I wasn't being Aunt Cin, the lump on the couch taking a nap
I can't wait for more days like this

Sunday was brunch in the morning with a girlfriend of mine, we try to meet once a month to always keep updated and just laugh like school girls. There I was with the menu in my hands, thinking well I gave myself permission, I can eat anything on this menu I want. Drum roll....what did I get......2 eggs overeasy with a side of veggies and some bacon. I didn't feel deprived at all. It was so yummy and I picked it because that is what I wanted and I knew I would feel good after eating it.

Sunday afternoon I ended up spending the day with the man in my life and his 9 year old son. The time flew!! I didn't even realize how long it had been since I last ate anything because we were running around having a blast. Then, it happened, as I was running around with the 9 year old, his dad said I ordered a pizza for dinner should be here in 45 minutes.  Ummm, ut oh. I haven't had pizza in over 2 years. It was a forbidden food. Should I ask him to call back and order me a salad with dressing on the side by only oil and vinegar because who knows what is in the other dressings? Should I just say I am not hungry and starve? Those thoughts quickly went through my mind as if I was programmed to think like that. Then they went away, I felt an instant calm and thought just enjoy it. Have a slice of pizza, not the entire pie, but a slice. Not every day, but tonight is okay. The pizza arrived. I may have actually been drooling at the smell of it. He ordered a Hawaiian pizza (his son's favorite). There I was pizza to lips, I could hear my mom saying, don't do it. I could hear years of my own training saying are you CRAZY women it's PIZZA!  I did it, I took a bite of the pizza and smiled. I looked over to the 9 year old who said isn't it delicious with a huge smile on his face and I couldn't have agreed more. I had 2 slices of pizza and appreciated and loved every bite of it. I was stuffed for the rest of the night and slept better than I have in ages. I know the pizza didn't cause me to sleep better, but I didn't feel bad or stressed or deprived at all. I felt good, I had an amazing wonderful day that included pizza.

Shout out to my blog friend Gwen who writes The Sunny Coconut . She recently wrote a post called S Foods; it was about how everyone's body reacts different to different foods. I highly recommend checking it out, I enjoyed reading it and completely agree!!  I know I will never be able to eat a couple of chips and put the bag away, but I can eat a piece of chocolate and be satisfied. What are your trigger foods that you avoid?

To Wine or Not to Wine

No I am not talking about the type of whine you hear from me after an arms workout; I am talking about the wine made from grapes. I bet I have your attention now...

Wine makes me happy inside

When I started cleaning up my diet at the beginning of the year, I only wanted to eat and drink foods that I felt would be healthy and have nutritious benefits for my every day life. Alcohol didn't seem to fit into that category so I cut it out. I had a glass of wine on February 1 at a fire department function and didn't even have a sip for months after that.....until recently. 

Let me explain. Lately I have been thinking about maybe adding in a glass sometimes, I admit after a tough week it is nice to unwind with a good glass and relax your crazy week away. So I looked up the nutritional value and found that a 4 oz glass of Barefoot Moscato (I love Moscato) contains 120 calories and 11g of carbs. Hmm would it be worth it to consume my calories and carbs in the form of a drink that had really no big benefit to me drinking it except I enjoy it??

Hmm... I like the way this guy thinkshttp://www.stelladot.com/

And then last weekend happened...I had a date. I was sort of set up by a friend of a friend and for some reason I was nervous. You would think after so many dates, especially with being on match for a few months I wouldn't even be phased, but that night I was feeling my nervousness.  When we got to the restaurant I decided tonight would be a great night to slowly get back into drinking wine. I ordered my drink, very much aware that I hadn't had anything to drink in a while and I didn't want this to go to my head too quick, so I sipped extra slow and enjoyed. It tasted delicious and I admit it helped me to  relax just a little and enjoy the evening. We had fun that night and yes we have seen each other since. 

Ha ha, yup

I was pleased the next morning when the scale stayed the same, I wasn't feeling yucky at all, and I got right back into my workout routine. So here is my thinking, it's okay to have a little indulgence occasionally, as long as it's not something that will make you sick due to an allergy or sensitivity, and the rest of the time you eat and drink healthy and continue to workout. Moderation and balance is the key. 

I have no idea what the future holds with dating and the new guy, but I do know wine is now back in my life!