Time to Heal

I am not even sure where to start to catch you up on my last few months. It's been sort of a whirlwind. I'm sorry I didn't post at all while going through things.

My craziness really started the beginning of May. After joining Weight Watchers, and loving the program, I knew it was time to start working out again. I was not in the mood for the gym one morning so I went for a walk. I decided to head to a field/park near my home and follow that path. It was a beautiful day.

Pictures from my walk
It was such a beautiful day to go out for a feel good walk

I was enjoying the sun, the breeze, and my music. I was on my way back when I came around the corner and a giant, horse sized Great Dane and it's owner appeared.  I usually love dogs and have never been afraid but something about this dog threw me a little. I decided to walk very far off the path and out the dogs way. Well he had a different idea in mind. Within seconds he broke away from his owner (a very small women who could barely hold him any way) and came at me. Next thing I know he is latched onto my arm. I wish I could tell you what I did next to get away, but I don't remember. The next thing I remember is being halfway down the path looking at my arm bleeding and trying to get even further away from the beast. The owner's daughter came over to help. I called my parents to come and get me from the park, luckily they live nearby. I had to walk all the way across a big field holding my arm. The owner's daughter, while very nice, told me this isn't the first time they have had problems with the dog and think it might be inbred. I couldn't believe it. Why would they bring him to a park, why?!?!  My parent's arrived and helped me clean up the area the best they could. I gave a report to the police officer and off I went to the emergency room with my parents. They cleaned me up, gave me massive dose antibiotics and said yup that will probably scar.

My mom took this picture of me in the emergency room
Somehow she had me laughing and smiling

I spent the rest of the day being cheered up by my truly amazing, wonderful, and loving family. My nieces checking on me and doing my hair. My mom and sister helping me with my bandages. My dad making me smile being silly. I love them so much. I spent the rest of the weekend trying to change my bandage with one arm and taking it easy. In addition, to my family, the wonderful man in my life checked on me constantly and sent me cute photos of him and his son to cheer me up.

To help me not be afraid of walking outdoors, they somehow talked me into going for a walk.
We had a blast playing in the fields behind my parent's house

Kaitlyn always knows how to cheer me up

As the month went on I started to heal a little more, still a little cautious of the outdoor walks I stuck with the treadmill. I was losing weight on Weight Watchers and enjoying, but then I started really changing the way I had eaten for the last year. Instead of healthy non-processed foods, I found myself eating more processed foods. Instead of gluten free I ate lots of products with gluten. I didn't notice not feeling well so I thought it was okay. But then life happened, I started going to more summer parties, I started eating more desserts, I ate doritos like it was my job, I went on vacation with my man and his family and ate lots and lots of fried food. Somehow I had spiraled into a whirlwind of processed food, sugar, carbs, and fried yuck! But hey I felt fine, so it must be okay...until it wasn't!

Just a few of my many indulgences...
don't be fooled by the s'more picture, I had many more than just one

One day I woke up and my tongue was swollen and painful, the side of my stomach hurt a little, and the pain in my mouth made me cry. I couldn't eat or drink, and was barely able to speak without pain. At my mom's suggestion I found a wonderful ENT Dr. who diagnosed my mouth infection.  It appears the very high dose of antibiotics I was on for the dog bite, combined with all the bad food, set my body into a tailspin of bad. While on the outside it appeared the different bad food wasn't bothering me, on the inside was an entirely different situation.

So where does that leave me....well I have spent the last 2 weeks living off bone broth, chicken soup, organic greek yogurt, and caulimash (mashed cauliflower). I am resetting my poor screwed up digestive system and healing the mouth infection at the same time. It's amazing that the less you eat the less you need. I do miss solid foods and flavors, but if this is what my body needs right now to get back on track, then that's what I am going to do.

Bone broth. I must admit it tastes really good
and even better, I made it, talk about feeling proud

All natural! It doesn't sound as exciting as other flavors but I actually really enjoy it
Even when I can eat other things I will continue with this yogurt.

I know it will take time before I am 100%, but I will get there. I will learn along the way and remember the horrible pain of what I went through and never repeat my mistakes again. I am so thankful for the support system I have. My family and the wonderful man in my life helped me through it all. My poor mom, getting text msgs from me about feeling miserable and encouraging me nonstop to push through it, and helping me come up with a plan of attack every step of the way. My man, who loves to cook, wanted to make me something I could eat. He made the most delicious batch of caulimash I have ever tasted!!! Instead of being cranky that I can't enjoy his foods, he told me to just keep finding recipes that I can eat and enjoy and be healthy and he will make them for me. My coworkers checked on me constantly while I was out and sent me funny emails and texts to keep me smiling. My wonderful boss let me pick up work and work from home so I wouldn't fall behind.

Caulimash!!  He made it so delicious I now crave it.
I keep trying, but so far it doesn't comes out the same when I make it

I've been given the chance to help myself, to move forward and be a healthier better version of me and I will not take this opportunity for granted! This is no longer just about weight loss, it's about my future and my health.

After a rough month it was time for some much needed fun!
Mini golf last weekend

Fun, Food, and Travel

The last few weeks have been so much fun. I don't get to check out new places very often, but when I do I enjoy every moment of it. I will admit now that I watch what I eat it has become a bit more of a challenge, not impossible, but a challenge.

View from hotel room in Atlantic City

My first adventure was being able to meet a friend of mine in Atlantic City. I have only been to Atlantic City for work purposes, so when the opportunity came to just go and enjoy and have fun I was definitely saying count me in. I took the day off from work and headed down. I felt like a kid the entire drive down so excited.

Me, hanging out on the bay side of Atlantic City
Luckily it wasn't too chilly out and the sun was shining

My friend had been there numerous other times and was insistent that we had to eat dinner at Carmines, which according to my co-workers, had the most amazing food! We got to Carmines and I soon found out it was family style eating, which means giant portions you share. Hmmm, I felt bad. My friend was looking at chicken parm and pasta dishes and I was all hey how about steak. Luckily, he understood my food concerns and was happy to order the steak. We ordered a porterhouse steak, that came with sausage and peppers and little potatoes. When the waiter brought out dinner, I thought wow are there 10 other people joining us. The portion was HUGE!! I took one bite and was in heaven.

This photo doesn't even do the size of the portion justice!
We left with a lot of delicious leftovers

The hard part came after when he ordered dessert. I have really avoided sugar and carbs and anything not meat-like, but thought I don't get to go out like this often and really just enjoy so I went with it. He ordered us the tiramisu. I knew I would regret it tomorrow, but I dug in any way. Delicious, is not even good enough to describe what this tasted like. I had never had tiramisu before and now wish I knew about it when I didn't struggle with weight loss so much :)  Anyway, after a few classes of wine and much fun we bundled up and walked along the boardwalk a little, I was happy because I got all my Fitbit steps in.  We then called it a night and headed back to the hotel. I know I shouldn't have had dessert, but I have no regrets what a wonderful, fun evening. I did have a little headache the next day, but no regrets.

We even got to catch a very peaceful and beautiful sunset

The second adventure was heading to NYC with my family to see the Spring Spectacular show at Radio City Music Hall. We piled in my dad's car and headed in, not sure who was more excited, the grownups or my nieces. There faces when we got out of the car was priceless. Looking at all the tall buildings, lights, and people; it's good thing they love adventures just like we do. We walked around the city for a little and then headed into the show. By then I was hungry, but not willing to give into eating any of the food that they offered at the concession stands. Truthfully, if I was by myself I would have gotten something, but with my mom and sister so close I felt like a failure if I gave in. One of the few times I didn't bring my own snack and I regretted it. I later realized when I was finally home and starving and eating everything in my fridge, I should have just had a little something and then I wouldn't have been hunger crazed later...lesson learned.

Us girls having fun in the back, while the guys had fun upfront

The show was truly wonderful, it was a magical day with my family. It was even more fun that we got to do our first show together. I love visiting the City, but there is no place like home.

My nieces even found time to do my hair and nails
Love these girls!

Happy Aunt Cindy

Next adventure is in April, we are going away on vacation for a few days to the Poconos. This will also include, Passover, Easter, and 3 birthdays (hint: one of them is mine). I also plan on bringing some of my own snacks this time to be fully prepared!!

Your Pride and Weight Loss

I wasn't heavy right away but by the time I was 12 I had become the kid that offered to clean the table after dinner in an effort to eat my sister's leftover Big Mac; and Dad if you are reading this I'm sorry everyone blamed you for eating that egg roll, it was me.

Nothing better than being a kid and enjoying it

I was about 15 in the picture and
I think wearing a size 14 in jeans

It wasn't until my late teens/early twenties I knew I had to stop my bad habits. I hated being heavier than everyone else.  And so my ongoing journey to weight loss started. I tried every diet, every method, anything and everything I could think of. I would gain and lose weight on and off for years, then about about 4 years ago I lost a lot of weight by doing Nutrisystem. I was the thinnest I had ever been and loving it. I was able to keep the weight off the longest I had ever done in the past, but between not paying attention to what I was eating, some bad breakups, and food tasting good I gained it all back and then some. This bring me to a few months ago when I knew I had lose it again...but this time everything I had always done in the past wasn't working. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to lose it this time and would just keep gaining.

Me at my thinnest and feelings great

I was feeling more and more frustrated. Throughout the last few months I was able to take off a bunch of the weight I had gained, by eating non-processed foods, cutting out gluten, and really decreasing my sugar intake, but then I hit the dreaded plateau. I was stuck. Up and down, eating and doing the same things I had been doing, were no longer working. My jeans weren't feeling that loose anymore. I finally asked my sister for advice. She recently lost weight and looks absolutely amazing!!  I am so proud of her and all her hard work. There we were talking with my mom about what I was going through and I found myself getting really defensive. Even though I was the one who asked for help. I just kept saying I have been doing this most of my life, this isn't my first time! Okay, I admit sounds completely childish, but it's how I was feeling, insecure. After taking a step back my from my defensive state of mind, my sister explained to me that she knew I had always worked on myself and how weight loss has always been a struggle with me especially now with food sensitivities and obstacles. She thanked me for all my help, knowledge and support I have been giving her that helped her lose weight. She went on to say that by possibly giving me a new and fresh prospective from someone other than myself it might help give me ideas and possibly get me out of my rut. And she was right. We sat there and talked about different foods, snacks, workout ideas and how to make it work with my schedule. I guess even in dieting you can't live in the past, but have to live in the present and look forward to what lies ahead...hopefully that includes a smaller size in pants. My sister helped me gain a new perspective and feel confident that I will succeed.

I love my sister and
 I am happy she always looks out for me even when I am acting like a little sister

I'm really glad I opened up about my struggles and asked for help....I am even happier that I told my pride to be quiet long enough to hear her ideas and receive the new perspective I was in need of.  Don't be afraid to ask for an outside opinion and ideas from someone you trust and respect. You just never know what great ideas they might be able to share with you to help you succeed.

Time For a Regroup!

It's easy to get caught up in the daily grind of life. Work, errands, cleaning, bills, relationships, being healthy and the list goes on and on. I can often relate to how a hamster feels running in the wheel thing, especially when I am on the treadmill (ha ha). I also find it all to easy to get caught up in worrying about all the things listed above. What's going on at work, what does the future hold. Running errands from one side of the state to the other. Bills...well do I really need to elaborate on those. Cleaning...yeah because that is what I want to do in my free time. Relationships, I love spending time with my family and friends and being part of everything going on, but I also enjoy me time, and what about dating and wondering if I will ever meet my Prince Charming. Being healthy is a job in itself, writing the grocery list, making meals for the week, planning workouts. Well I think you get the hint. This is just my list, everyone's list is different and everyone's struggles are unique and important to them.

Sometimes when I feel myself spinning on that wheel of life I realize that I am missing out on fun things. I don't dance and sing to music as much because I am in my head. I may not take the time to appreciate the flowers that I walk past going to my next store. At the end of the day I know inside I am missing something. Life should include happiness and enjoyment. This is the time I like to remind myself to REGROUP. Take a step back and breathe. Most of the time I will actually say out loud "Cindy you need a regroup". Stop and smell the roses. Whatever term you want to use, remember it and when you feel yourself getting stuck on your wheel of life remind yourself what is important. I know sometimes that is easier said than done, but it really does help, and it really does help you appreciate what you have. I love waking up and  instead of instantly jumping out of bed I will look over and see my cats snuggled up. I love thinking of the smiles on my nieces faces when I see them on the weekend. Having coffee with my mom and sister. Walks with my dad. Meeting up with my best friend Debbie and laughing over anything and everything. Loving the fact that I live close to work and can go home for lunch.

Having fun with my nieces, Ashley and Kaitlyn
I workout so I can keep up with them

The way I see it is the cleaning will always be there, do a little at a time. There will always be bills to pay, try not to add to them. Remember that being healthy benefits you and everyone that loves you and makes you feel great and is definitely worth all the time and effort! Running errands helps you get everything you need to stay on track and hey you never know who you will meet or what adventures you could encounter along the way.Wondering what the future holds, doesn't actually change the outcome, but living your life does so make it a happy one.

My best friend Debbie
Always encouraging me to be healthy, workout, and smile

I truly believe that happiness should always be a priority. And in case you are wondering, on days or weeks when I am on my wheel of life I will go back and read everything I just wrote as a reminder.

Family Brunch

Happy Father's Day! I hope everyone had a fun filled day whether you were celebrating with your family or doing something else.

I decided to start the day off right, I went for a 4 mile walk with my headphones on and my energy high. My mom let me know halfway through that we would be celebrating the day over brunch. Okay I admit I was a little frustrated, my breakfast is my favorite part of my day and my routine after my walks is just as much enjoyable. After I was done with my walk, stretching, shower, and yes pouting I decided to not let it stop me from having a great time and off I went to my parent's house.

My mom was already cooking away in the kitchen and it smelled amazing! The good thing is my mom and I are really big into lower carbs/more protein meals. She was making eggs, bacon, sprinkle pancakes and even picked up a delicious fruit bowl. I was feeling pretty secure I could make it through this brunch and not completely blow my eating for the day.

But then it hit me, the growling stomach, I hadn't eaten since my walk and I was starving!! Okay Cindy remain calm, do not reach for the sprinkle pancakes. I reached for some fruit instead. Soon my growling calmed down and I found it was actually easier than I thought to not indulge in sprinkle pancakes, in fact, I didn't even want them. Now that was a very good feeling and I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I may have overindulged a bit with the grapes and blueberries, but I like to think that was better than indulging in pancakes and later cake.

We had a fun day and I'm guessing my dad did too, when I was leaving he was out cold in his recliner snoozing away, and I'm pretty sure there was a smile on his face.

I'm really thankful my family, especially my mom, respects my food choices and always has something yummy for me on hand. I can't even tell you the last time I saw my mom buy a fruit bowl, but it was absolutely a lifesaver for me today and I think she will be getting them again for future fun family events!!

Cindy