More Than Weight Loss

A few months back when I starting eating healthier, working out, and reading labels, my plan was to mostly lose weight and feel less sluggish. I had no idea how many twists and turns this journey would lead me on and how much I would discover about myself along the way. 

Look inside yourself for the strength you need to keep moving forward

Now, my hard work means way more to me than just losing some weight. This journey has made me look deep within myself and wonder, what am I made? Who am I? What do I want for myself? While I don't have all the answers yet, I am way more aware of my thoughts and feelings. I realized I am a lot tougher than I even knew, both physically and mentally. 

Excuses are easy...being true to yourself takes commitment to yourself

I look back at how I have treated my body over the years and wonder why I disrespected myself so much. I ate terrible foods, didn't work out, was miserable in my own skin and never took solid action to change that. I would say I can't do it, I will never be a gym person, but I just want to eat what I want. Now I am learning to treat my mind, body and soul with respect. In some ways I feel like I am experiencing things for the first time with clear eyes. I don't want to eat the food that makes me feel sluggish inside, it might taste good, but I love myself enough to fight the urge. Now when I miss a day or two of working out I feel it and I miss it. I even decided to step out of my comfort zone to attend a conference to learn more about my job. In addition, I discovered I love to dress nicer, do my hair every day (unless it's raining), and take pride in who I am. It feels amazing!!

I love playing with different styles these days
I wore this dress to a wedding a few weekends ago

I don't let anyone else disrespect me why would I do that to myself. I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, but glad I finally have!  I'm sure I will have many more ups and downs along the way, but I believe if I stay strong and believe in myself I can achieve anything my heart desires.  

Self love is the biggest lesson I had learn and
never knew I was lacking

Be Honest With Yourself

Growing up my parent's taught us to be honest. If you did something you shouldn't have done own up to it, deal with the consequences, and move on. I have taken that teaching with me throughout my life. My close group of friends know that when they ask me a question they will get the truth, I will always try and word it nicely, but it will be the truth. Recently, I realized the one person I am not always honest to is myself.

It's not always easy, but it's the truth

I block, sugar coat, and ignore some of my own feelings and actions because I don't like how they feel. If I overeat on calories one day, I might happen to forget to enter them into myfitnesspal, almost as if I don't enter the information I didn't overeat and then I can look at the scale and wonder why did it go up. With dating, if I am with someone and they do something I may not like I will leave that story out when talking to my friends. If I don't talk about it, then it didn't bother me and all is right in the relationship. If I am feeling scared about something, but I say I am not, then I must be okay. You see what I mean?

I wouldn't trust a friend that didn't tell me the truth,
why should I trust myself if I can't tell myself the truth

It's okay to be scared. It's okay to fail sometimes. It's okay to be excited. The biggest lesson I am learning right now is being honest with myself. It's okay. Don't deny how something makes me feel just because I don't want to feel that way. Own my feelings with myself. I am not any more perfect than the next person. I can't grow as a person if I am not willing to know myself inside and out.

I want to know me the good, the bad, and the scared

Dating Highs and Lows

Time for a dating update post....

For those of you that are happily married can I just say I am jealous. 

If you are fortunate to have found the person
who became your last first date, I'm jealous. First dates are rough 

Dating is hard and I feel like dating is harder now that I am in my 30's for so many reasons. In the earlier dating years when I met a guy it was is he hot, does he have a nice tush, what type of car does he drive, does he have a job. Now I find myself thinking does he have a job, does he have lots of roommates or live at home with his parents, does he have kids and an ex-wife, can he pay his bills or will I be supporting him, does he want a family and yes the does he have a nice tush is still an important question.  Just to add to the questions, if you are looking online it's even more of a mystery if the guy you meet will match what he wrote and posted on the site. 

I believe this will happen for me someday.
My heart may have been broken before, but it has made me who I am today

Now for my personal update...I met someone through mutual friends. My friend and her husband played wingman and wingwomen for us. We text for about a month before we finally had time in both of our schedules to go out. The night was a lot of fun, we laughed a lot and he even sang some karaoke...yes the man can sing! We both didn't want the night to end, he didn't drop me off until about 4 am the next morning. I know I went to bed with a smile on my face.

Since that night it has been a mix of many emotions. When you are dating at this stage in life you both have a past, you both have other relationships, romantic and not, and things that stick with you. As much as you tell yourself to not let the past sneak in to your present thoughts, I honestly don't think it's possible not to. If you have been hurt before or let down, you notice everything the other person is doing. You wonder did I miss something last time and feel very determined not to miss it this time. I am guilty of all of that. I should have seen things in past relationships, or I did but I blocked and didn't want to admit them, and for that I got hurt and was angry with myself for not saying something sooner and especially for not walking away from the relationship before I could get hurt any further. I will say, that this guy has surprised me on many occasions, he is wonderful at talking and communicating and yes has even called me out on some of my behavior to make me aware and in return I have done the same for him. 

It's not fair to blame someone for what someone else did 

The scariest part is not what you see on the surface, it's what you feel deep inside as you start caring and liking someone more. You are opening your heart and being vulnerable, and hoping the person you care about will treat it right, that everything they tell you is the truth. Hoping that they are falling for you as you are falling for them. There is no secret to dating, there are no guarantees to any relationship; there is a lot of putting faith in the other person, hoping they will do right by you as you will by them, and trusting your own instincts. 

I don't have a crystal ball to know what will happen with the man in my life at this time. I hope we continue to grow together and enjoy everything we do. I can tell you my heart is open and while it's really scary, it's better than being closed off and missing the opportunity to find something special. 

Most important advice I ever received,
be yourself and be true to you

Have any good dating advice or stories please feel free to comment and share them!!