All or Nothing

Growing up my mom used to tell me to stop looking at things as either black or white; sometimes there is grey. It used to drive me crazy when she would say that, until I started realizing she was right. Mom if you are reading this, I am 100% admitting you are right and thank you for always saying that line to me. Gray area to me equals the middle of all or nothing.

I've been using this all or nothing mentality for the longest time with working out. Unless I could do a full high intensity workout I would think what is the point. Now I am learning that even a little bit is better than nothing. Some days, weeks, months, are busier than others so instead of saying I can't do an hour I won't do anything, I now do what I can. If I can give 20 minutes I give a hardworking 20 minutes.

The other thing I learned is that a little bit can go a long way. I fully admit that a few weeks ago I could not do one push up. Not even using my knees. I felt like such a let down to myself. I have recently become more determined than ever to nail push-ups. Every day I have to at least try. It may sound like a long process, but as of today I can do 6 beautiful push-ups and I am feeling pretty accomplished. I know I have lots of work ahead of me, but this is a great start and it is just a reminder that my hard work is paying off. It may not happen overnight like I would like but it is happening.

So drop and give me 10 or 6 or 1! Just don't stop trying.

I used my new ipad camera timer app. 

Pretty neat, but next time I promise better lighting

Family Brunch

Happy Father's Day! I hope everyone had a fun filled day whether you were celebrating with your family or doing something else.

I decided to start the day off right, I went for a 4 mile walk with my headphones on and my energy high. My mom let me know halfway through that we would be celebrating the day over brunch. Okay I admit I was a little frustrated, my breakfast is my favorite part of my day and my routine after my walks is just as much enjoyable. After I was done with my walk, stretching, shower, and yes pouting I decided to not let it stop me from having a great time and off I went to my parent's house.

My mom was already cooking away in the kitchen and it smelled amazing! The good thing is my mom and I are really big into lower carbs/more protein meals. She was making eggs, bacon, sprinkle pancakes and even picked up a delicious fruit bowl. I was feeling pretty secure I could make it through this brunch and not completely blow my eating for the day.

But then it hit me, the growling stomach, I hadn't eaten since my walk and I was starving!! Okay Cindy remain calm, do not reach for the sprinkle pancakes. I reached for some fruit instead. Soon my growling calmed down and I found it was actually easier than I thought to not indulge in sprinkle pancakes, in fact, I didn't even want them. Now that was a very good feeling and I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I may have overindulged a bit with the grapes and blueberries, but I like to think that was better than indulging in pancakes and later cake.

We had a fun day and I'm guessing my dad did too, when I was leaving he was out cold in his recliner snoozing away, and I'm pretty sure there was a smile on his face.

I'm really thankful my family, especially my mom, respects my food choices and always has something yummy for me on hand. I can't even tell you the last time I saw my mom buy a fruit bowl, but it was absolutely a lifesaver for me today and I think she will be getting them again for future fun family events!!

Cindy

Food for Thought

I have always known I was somewhat of an emotional eater in addition to a I'm sitting on the couch and want to munch eater. But either way, it wasn't hunger that was controlling my eating. I recently started reading the book "It Starts with Food" aka Whole 30 I am not done with the book yet, but I will say so far I have had more aha moments than I can count. There was a part in the book about certain foods and emotions being connected. This is how I interpreted what they said in the book; if you think happy when you eat Doritos your brain will associate with that feeling and the next time you need that happy you will crave those Doritos. The good news is that can be changed, the brain has to basically be rewired.

Chelsea keeping me company reading 

So there I was sitting on the couch and thought well if I can get happy feelings from Doritos I can definitely get happy feelings from the bowl of blueberries I was currently munching away on. So I closed my eyes and as I ate the blueberries I let myself truly enjoy every single taste and thought about happy things while eating them. I have continued to do this with blueberries and other healthy foods. On the flip side I have also tried, when I think about cookies, chips, and things that are not so healthy to think of how I felt last time. I try to remember every yucky feeling and how miserable I felt after and sometimes days after. Maybe now when my brain thinks about those foods it will think yuck no thanks that is no longer happy food. I have no idea if this is going to work.Will this new method of thinking hold me back when I am feeling particularly down from grabbing a chocolate bar or a bag of chips? Only time will tell, but I figure it's worth a shot.

Cindy

Food and Fun or Food and Flop

Does anyone else ever feel like food is the center of most events? Out with friends, work parties, business meetings, family gatherings, it's a Tuesday night :)  The last few months I have been enjoying playing around in the kitchen more. Learning about different meats, fish, and spices. I love shopping for fresh new finds and look forward to the meals I will make.  I like my bubble of eating, but I also know I can't hide from the outside world. 

Take this weekend for an example, I had a friends party to attend. I was very good during the day eating like normal. I even ate a small meal before going so I wouldn't be starving. By mid-way through the evening I found myself hungry and wandering to the food table. Yikes. Pasta everywhere!!! Then I saw there was a nice caesar salad and meatballs. Figuring that would be safer than the other choices I made myself a very small dish. I ate half the salad and half of the big meatball and prayed if my stomach rebelled it wouldn't be until later when I was home. Fast forward, I am home for 10 minutes with a massive bad headache, heartburn, and stomach ache. I woke up the next day feeling just as yucky and it took me a while to shake the feelings. Thank you acid reflux attacking my system.

That night I went out to dinner with my family. At this point I still feel sort of yucky, but a little better and hungry. I order a steak and veggies, but that night my body was in overload and I once again was feeling like I got hit by a truck. I called my mom the next day telling her I felt like I had been poisoned. After many hours and endless warm water and gum chewing I finally got the acid under control and was able to function somewhat again.

Dinner out with the family 

mmm steak, eggs, and bacon

Sorry for the long background story, but it all leads up to my feelings of I wish I could just always make my own food. I like knowing what's in it and where it came from. I used to love eating out with friends and family and now I feel like each event, function, and get together is a bit painful. I wonder if it will ever get easier or I will always feel like great, what now or deprived because I didn't join in eating. Sometimes I avoid going out with friends because I know there is nothing on the menu I want to eat. 

I'm starting to feel like you can have your health or you can have your fun, but rarely at the same time. If that's the case, I choose health. 

Cindy 

Ups and Downs

Usually when I talk about ups and downs in the weight loss world I am referring to the numbers I see on the scale; however, this time it's about the daily journey. Over the last few months I have dedicated a lot of time to learning about food, exercise, and being healthier. Only over the last few weeks have I felt like I was finally on the right path. I had a better understanding of what different carbs and sugar could do to my body. I learned what happens when I cut out all carbs and workout, not a pretty picture. I learned to make going to the gym a fun habit and walking around my town something to look forward to on weekends. I was feeling pretty good about it all and then....

A few weeks ago was Memorial Day. I woke up and went for a long walk since I had the day off. It was a refreshing and invigorating walk. I reflected on the past weekend and how for the first time in months, and I mean months, I stayed within a good calorie range. I didn't over eat, I didn't over indulge, but I was satisfied and did enjoy myself. I did all that on holiday weekend, yeah I was feeling pretty darn proud.  

Early morning lake view from my walk

My family and I went to the parade in town and I shared a delicious ice cream with my sister, who also recently lost a bunch of weight and looks amazing.  So where is the down part you ask?  Well, on our way back to the car my adorable 3, almost 4 year old, niece looks up at me with her big brown eyes and tells me her legs are tired from walking. So I pick her up and walk with her on my hip. My mom and sister both told me not to since I have suffered from back problems in the past, but nope,  her legs were tired and she knows her Aunt is a big sucker for her, so onward we went.  Later that evening I knew I had made a big mistake. My back was screaming in pain and as the night went on it just got worse and I found myself crying to my mom why didn't I just listen to them. 

Getting ready for the parade

Here I was, I had been so good with the gym loving it, I was up and about and enjoying every moment and now I was down on the couch hoping to walk straight the next day. I woke up and decided I could crawl to work or be smart and take the day off. Thankfully I have an amazing boss and I was able to take the day to recover. As I sat on the couch, I felt bad for myself. What about all my hard work at the gym, what about how good I was doing? Then it hit me. Sure I might be down and out for this week, but I will be back in the gym in no time. And even more motivated to strengthen my muscles and tone myself so things like this don't happen again. I must stay strong and fight on. Let my body heal up and then make it better than ever before.

Sharing some ice cream 

So sure I miss the gym and wish I was going, but this has taught me once again how incredible the human body is and how important it is to take care of it. And also how important it is to remain positive. It's hard, but it's better than being negative and making yourself more upset and probably doing more bad than good.  I saw this online and thought it was appropriate for my post today. I'm not sure who said it, but I agree with them 100%

Cindy 

Finding My Health and My Voice

For the most part I am not a very shy person. I love meeting new people and going to new places, but on this journey to being a healthier person I have discovered that I have a shy side, I am not very good at asking for help, and rarely ask for custom treatment. 

Let's start with the gym. I walked in determined, but quickly realized I was only finding myself determined to use the stationary bike. The side of the gym with the weights seemed a bit foreign to me. I decided it was time to change that, if I was truly committed to me and my health I needed to learn to lift weights. So I got myself a trainer. Within a week he had me on different equipment and trying new things. I found myself asking him to teach me more. Telling him pieces of equipment I liked to use and ones I really didn't enjoy because it bothered some part of my body. Thankfully he is a very patient person and has a sense of humor. Yesterday, I was feeling, well, blah from realizing I still have such a long way to go. He stopped the workout and asked me to talk to him and tell him my thoughts. And for once I did. I really talked to him about the gym, my goals, my fears, all of it. He got me to express everything going on in my head and made me feel better about the gym and about myself.  He helped me put together an even better plan based off of what I told him and reminded me to always speak up for myself.  I now have a bunch of great lifting and cardio plans that I can rotate from day to day.  

The other area I found my voice is when eating out and with people. I never wanted to be that picky person who says I want things cooked this way or order something specially made. I have come to realize those people aren't necessarily picky, they are just looking out for themselves, and I want to be one of them. Now I order veggies and sauces on the side instead of fries and food being smothered. I also speak up more when people ask me where I want to go, it's no longer wherever works, because some places have healthier choices and are more accommodating I would rather go there. 

I never thought I would learn so much about myself in this effort to become a better, healthier version of me. I feel like every day I discover something new and it feels amazing inside. I'm so glad I started this journey and look forward to discovering more. 

Cindy  

Every Day New Start

I've been dieting for as long as I can remember, the scale goes up and down. But now I am doing more than trying to get skinny; I am trying to get healthy overall. I found out a few years ago that I have PCOS, which messes with my insulin levels. I also learned that trying to ignore it will not make it go away. A few months ago I decided to go low carb, like say 20 carbs a day. It went okay. I lost a few pounds. Yay. My best friend, Debbie, encouraged me to join a gym, so off I went to join and discovered I loved it!! I started working out a minimum of 3 days a week 30 minutes and built up from there and got myself trainer. I started to notice that after the gym my energy levels were non-existent and as the days went on I was clumsy (more than usual), lacked energy, and incredibly grumpy. I found myself one miserable early morning searching my kitchen for something and found a box of cheerios I had stashed. I can not tell you how much I loved every single cheerio bite!  When I told Debbie, about eating the cheerios and the last few weeks she explained to me that my body needed more carbs for energy. The right carbs. She helped me figure out I was actually doing more harm than good.  

I've spent the weeks since then adding in carbs, the right ones as she put it.  I felt so much better. My energy levels were through the roof. I felt like I could workout better and stronger and wanted to. I even had energy after my workout. But lately I noticed I was craving more and more sugary things. I looked back in my tracker and realized my carb intake had sky rocketed. Noticed it a little too late. Last night I was sitting on my couch and started getting a headache, then the cravings, oh how I hate to admit this, I became a crazy women searching for anything and everything chocolate. Next thing I knew I was sitting on the kitchen floor with a bag of unmade cookie dough picking out the chocolate chips. I hit rock bottom. I went to bed feeling even worse.

I woke up this morning with renewed ideas. I had to get my carbs and sugar under control. Yes there is good and really bad carbs, but for some, carbs and sugar are way more dangerous and need to be carefully kept in check. But most importantly I realized that every single day that I get up and regroup and try again is a success. The scale might not think so and my pants may yell at me tomorrow, but they will thank me again, because I am not going to give up on myself. I am worth it.

Remember that as long as you try every day, prepare healthy meals, workout a little harder and keep going you are a success and please don't ever give up on yourself. I know I won't.

Cindy