I Can If I Want

My last post "My Relationship with Food" was about my freedom from food. My plan is to stop eliminating almost all food groups and to start incorporating foods back into my eating habits that I haven't eaten in YEARS to see how my body reacts.

No more diets, just me eating healthy food choices 
and enjoying occasional treats without guilt
http://freedombeautyhappiness.com/222/

Since it has only been a few days since my mind shift and eating habits happened I know it will take longer to really see how things are progressing for me, but a lot has already changed and I wanted to update everyone.  After that blog post, I gave myself permission to eat. To live my life and enjoy. To not stress over every single food option. To not panic at the thought of eating out. To not freak out if I ate too much. To not listen to everyone else tell me what I should or should not be eating. I went to bed that night with those last thoughts. I woke up Saturday morning and the only word I could use to describe my feeling in that moment is FREEDOM. I was free; from myself, judgment, criticism, fear of failure, stress of eating, and the feeling of lacking.

For a brief moment this is exactly how I felt,
but then I remembered it's not just weight loss, but my health

I also decided that to keep myself still in check a little, I would start tracking again on myfitnesspal. So I made my goal any where between 1200-1300 calories and I added carbs back into my calculations. I had a delicious breakfast and then went off shopping. I felt giddy almost at this fresh start. Later that day at my parent's house I enjoyed some yummy food...nope I didn't everything in site but I did enjoy every piece that went into my mouth and enjoyed having energy to run around outside and play with my nieces, it was finally a nice spring day outside.

I had energy!
First time in a long time I wasn't being Aunt Cin, the lump on the couch taking a nap
I can't wait for more days like this

Sunday was brunch in the morning with a girlfriend of mine, we try to meet once a month to always keep updated and just laugh like school girls. There I was with the menu in my hands, thinking well I gave myself permission, I can eat anything on this menu I want. Drum roll....what did I get......2 eggs overeasy with a side of veggies and some bacon. I didn't feel deprived at all. It was so yummy and I picked it because that is what I wanted and I knew I would feel good after eating it.

Sunday afternoon I ended up spending the day with the man in my life and his 9 year old son. The time flew!! I didn't even realize how long it had been since I last ate anything because we were running around having a blast. Then, it happened, as I was running around with the 9 year old, his dad said I ordered a pizza for dinner should be here in 45 minutes.  Ummm, ut oh. I haven't had pizza in over 2 years. It was a forbidden food. Should I ask him to call back and order me a salad with dressing on the side by only oil and vinegar because who knows what is in the other dressings? Should I just say I am not hungry and starve? Those thoughts quickly went through my mind as if I was programmed to think like that. Then they went away, I felt an instant calm and thought just enjoy it. Have a slice of pizza, not the entire pie, but a slice. Not every day, but tonight is okay. The pizza arrived. I may have actually been drooling at the smell of it. He ordered a Hawaiian pizza (his son's favorite). There I was pizza to lips, I could hear my mom saying, don't do it. I could hear years of my own training saying are you CRAZY women it's PIZZA!  I did it, I took a bite of the pizza and smiled. I looked over to the 9 year old who said isn't it delicious with a huge smile on his face and I couldn't have agreed more. I had 2 slices of pizza and appreciated and loved every bite of it. I was stuffed for the rest of the night and slept better than I have in ages. I know the pizza didn't cause me to sleep better, but I didn't feel bad or stressed or deprived at all. I felt good, I had an amazing wonderful day that included pizza.

Shout out to my blog friend Gwen who writes The Sunny Coconut . She recently wrote a post called S Foods; it was about how everyone's body reacts different to different foods. I highly recommend checking it out, I enjoyed reading it and completely agree!!  I know I will never be able to eat a couple of chips and put the bag away, but I can eat a piece of chocolate and be satisfied. What are your trigger foods that you avoid?

My Relationship with Food

For as long as I can remember I had a love/hate relationship with food. I have been dieting since I was a teenager. As I mentioned in a previous post I have tried almost every diet in some way or another. The outcome...usually some weight loss followed by a binge event and lots of weight gain and then a struggle to lose it again. Sound familiar? I have a feeling I am not alone.

Starving and deprived is usually how I feel
https://slimdownwithsandee.wordpress.com/

Last Saturday was my birthday, I am now 32 years old. At 32 I still struggle with my weight and food relationship like I did at 13. When I had that realization I came to the conclusion it is time to fix my relationship with food. No more diets. No more beating myself up. Time to grow up and learn.

Time to find a better relationship..
the one where I am in tune and honest with myself

My first step was to think back about all my past successes and failures. I found a common denominator. I told myself over and over again "you can't have that". Sometimes it was about steak, cereal, chips, sweet potatoes, low carb, low fat, high fat, you name it. At one point or another a certain food group was kicked out of my life. Until, I had enough and would binge completely out on that food or just any food from restricting intake too much. It was like I was teaching myself a lesson, you can't tell me I can't have something, ha and wow I am so starving!

Usually I eat the salad...
and then wake up in the middle of the night and eat the cakehttps://slimdownwithsandee.wordpress.com/

Well no more, this is me making peace with food. Food is what fuels my body. I am not saying I plan on eating cake and cookies all the time...yuck, or even that I plan on living on steak. I want to find a happy middle group. I want to not feel starved half the time. I want to finally show myself that at 32 I have found peace and balance in myself. I will probably always watch my sugar intake and eat lower than most carbs, but that's is because I know my body can't handle too much. However, I will have a sweet potato when I feel like it, maybe half not whole. I will have an apple, if I get the urge. I will eat my burgers, off the bun, because to me the bun is a waste not because of some diet I am following. I will teach myself portion control so that I can enjoy food without listing them as off-limits. I will not be afraid to go out with friends and eat at restaurants. I will allow myself to taste a cupcake if I want to, taste...not devour!

I love steak, but there is just so much you can eat
before craving other foods

I know I sound like this is easy, but I know it's not. It's been a battle for so long, I know it will take time, patience, and self-love to conquer this. I want this for myself, my future, my health, my peace of mind.

I will keep everyone updated and hope you support my ups and downs of food choices. I won't hide anything or pretend that I didn't eat cheerios a few moments ago (they tasted absolutely amazing). This is me being real with you and myself!!!

DELICIOUS!!
(Mom if you are reading this, stop shaking your head and I love you)